Posted in gratitude, Life, self-love

Thank You and Goodbye, 2014.

Hello there, 2014.

You have not been a good year for me and I will be glad to bid you farewell.

I am not the only one who thinks so of you; the majority of the people around me hold the same opinion of you as I do.

My health, family and work are in jeopardy with you. However, you have also been the year where I have uncovered awesome strengths in myself and found more values for myself. You have been a year of many life lessons learnt.

We started off with bad health. In fact, the bad health persists even until now, haha. You have seen me developed rashes all over my body, and this lasted for months. For a while I thought the cause was bedbugs, and this remains a mystery.

My period has not been accurate and this has got to be my major health concern for the year. I have come to appreciate the cramps I had when I was having my period and the “cumbersome” cleaning up. I would cheer and rejoice if my period was to happen now! So, to all women and girls out there, please be grateful for your monthly period because it shows that you are on the healthier side. A real woman. Having irregular menstruation or having a long period of no-menstruation is destructive for one’s body. We women need this monthly blood change to flush out toxins. I am no doctor, but I can feel the difference in my body when my period has gone MIA (missing in action) for months. And the difference is not a positive one.

Our journey together towards the mid-year was the worst.

Where shall I begin? More than half of my colleagues in my team have left us, one after another. Out of nine, only three of us remained to hold the fort. Long hours of work and heavy workload, and it hasn’t help much that I was not more than five months into the new environment. The initial stage was pretty okay though; I was unbelievably positive. I was somehow feeling totally fine with the strenuous working pattern, day in and day out. I have held visions and spoken positive monologue with myself. They certainly helped and I feel thankful for those.

However, it has to be at this same time that my family met with one of our biggest crisis. I was hesitant to be completely open to you in here but I believe I have now seen the worst to care such. Well, my family is falling apart.

We hadn’t been exactly a happy family. We were a traditional Asian family whereby the father is strict and there is always a distance between each family member. Like so many youngsters in this era, we spent most of our time outside with so many friends but with our own family members. I have always known when I was very young that my parents do not have a loving relationship together. I remembered I was amazed when I saw middle aged married couples put their arms around each other with smiles full of love. I didn’t think that those were possible, because it certainly isn’t in my family. Well, despite all the mentioned and our differences, our seemingly nonchalant-ness, our minimal communication, I thought that we could be forever. But I was wrong.

When it happened, surprisingly, I took it pretty well. Like I have said, you have got to be the year which I have surpassed myself in every single way. I am known for being fiercely loyal to the people I love and I will expect the same treatment in return. However, when it happened, I did not blame my father. The fault lies in all of us. We have grown apart so much that perhaps my father felt that it is pointless to stay as a family together. I did not blame him for seeking comfort outside the family.

No one at work knows about my family drama aside for a couple of closed ones. I have to be the strong one in my family. Through this family crisis, I have witnessed how vulnerable my mother and my younger brother can be. For months, I have lived with worry and fear of losing them too. I was so afraid that they, especially my beloved mother, could not handle Life itself.

It was a very, very tough period of time.

Gradually, the drama at home and at work is taking its toll on me. I can feel my strength slipping away, I can feel my energy being zapped away. But I cannot go down; both sides needed me.

Now, I am so, so glad that things are started to look up. I have survived! Things have gotten so much better now, and I am feeling extremely thankful. My mother is walking out of it, my brother is more positive, I got a job promotion and my relationship with everyone around me has become even better. Guess my only regret will be my father…

Until now, I do not know how I have managed through all these. The woes of my health, family and work. A friend who got to knew commented that if I did not share with him, he would never have known, because I betray no sign at all~

Isn’t it wasted of my talent that I am not able to be an actress at Mediacorp? Wahaha!

I have learnt too many lessons this year and I have received many valuable gifts too.

I am now a strong believer that Time heals everything. As long as you never give up on yourself, everything will pass with time. All the sadness, worry, fear, anger, torture… and love. So, it is very important that we give thanks each day when we wake up to a new day alive, and give thanks each night when we close our eyes and sleep in peace. To be able to do so is a precious gift not to be taken for granted.

I have seen how destructive this crisis was for my mother. To not be able to sleep a wink for months is like moving towards a slow and conscious death. Thus please, cherish. This is because you will never know what will be in store for you tomorrow, or on the next hour, the next minute, the next second. Time will never stop for you.

Oh, and I have grown highly resilient! Well, at least in my personal context. I never expected myself not to throw in the white towel at all, haha! It has been all very amazing. *pat my own back*

The books I have read, the people I have met, the classes I have attended, the days I have lived, all of these have helped me tide through 2014. I feel like a different person as I was one year ago. I am now more self-aware, more grateful and more positive than ever!

Thank you, 2014. You have not been extremely kind to me, but you have been very practical with me. The valuable lessons which I have learnt from you have definitely shaped me into a better person who is able to work more confidentiality and surely into her future!

So, 2015, here I come!

Love

Chloe ❤

Posted in Challenge, gratitude, Motivational, positive, self-doubt, self-love, self-worth

Day 6 [Self-Worth]: “I’m worthy of love, success, and happiness.”

Day-6! Woohoo!

My 15-day positive affirmation challenge finally comes alive! *muhaha*

Cut the crap, let’s jump straight into –

Day 6 [Self-Worth]

  1. Identify an area of your life where you are experiencing some self-doubt now.

“This may be an area where you’ve felt negative about all your life. It may be an area where you didn’t feel negative about before, but you are starting to due to one negative setback after another.”

I would say… money. I came to realize that I have a spendthrift kind of financial blueprint. I could earn X amount in a month, and I can manage to spend close to X amount halfway through the month. This is bad. Even though my wages should allow me to save a reasonably sum of monies on a monthly basis, I manage to get myself caught in installment plans such as insurances, beauty-related programs, educational programs… they make me feel that money is not enough!

  1. Identify your dream vision for this area.

OH! Dream vision, we are talking about dream vision, yeah? It is to be financially free and I can afford to spend without guilt! I want more time to do the things I love without worrying about money.

  1. Create your affirmative belief in this area, in the form of “I deserve [dream vision].”

I DESERVE TO BE FINANCIALLY FREE SO I CAN SPEND WITHOUT GUILT AND LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE!

  1. Say your new belief(s), along with today’s affirmation:

“I’m worthy of love, success, and happiness.”

I am worthy of love, success and happiness. I deserve to be financially free so that I can live my life the way I want and spend without guilt!

My Afterthoughts:

OK, “self-worth” is a relatively big topic. It actually took me a little time to think of the areas which I feel the most dissatisfied with myself. I guess this is a good thing? That I actually need time to identify?

Honestly speaking, I have tons of things about myself that I wish for the better. My weight aka my flabby arms/ tummy/ thighs, my sensitive skin, my dark eye circles, I-think-too-much, money and etc.

They can be better, but I don’t hate myself. Yes, I do have points and areas where I can improve on, but generally I feel lucky and fortunate enough to be “me”. I am born healthy, pleasant looking, relatively good height for a female (I am 164 -5cm), always have good human relationships with the people I meet, decent job, habour dreams and am working towards them in baby steps, love to read and write and the list can go on and on forever.

This topic of “self-worth” can be linked to so many other subjects. Most importantly, I personally think that Gratitude and Self-love go hand-in-hand with Self-worth.

Have a thankful heart in everything and with everything and you will realize that the world is a so much better and more beautiful place to be in.

So… how is your Self-Worth like for you?

You can see more of the actual Day-6 affirmation post by Celestine Chua here: http://personalexcellence.co/blog/affirmation-day-6-self-worth/

Dream big and believe in yourself, because the power lies within you~

Chloe ❤