Posted in gratitude, Life, self-love

Thank You and Goodbye, 2014.

Hello there, 2014.

You have not been a good year for me and I will be glad to bid you farewell.

I am not the only one who thinks so of you; the majority of the people around me hold the same opinion of you as I do.

My health, family and work are in jeopardy with you. However, you have also been the year where I have uncovered awesome strengths in myself and found more values for myself. You have been a year of many life lessons learnt.

We started off with bad health. In fact, the bad health persists even until now, haha. You have seen me developed rashes all over my body, and this lasted for months. For a while I thought the cause was bedbugs, and this remains a mystery.

My period has not been accurate and this has got to be my major health concern for the year. I have come to appreciate the cramps I had when I was having my period and the “cumbersome” cleaning up. I would cheer and rejoice if my period was to happen now! So, to all women and girls out there, please be grateful for your monthly period because it shows that you are on the healthier side. A real woman. Having irregular menstruation or having a long period of no-menstruation is destructive for one’s body. We women need this monthly blood change to flush out toxins. I am no doctor, but I can feel the difference in my body when my period has gone MIA (missing in action) for months. And the difference is not a positive one.

Our journey together towards the mid-year was the worst.

Where shall I begin? More than half of my colleagues in my team have left us, one after another. Out of nine, only three of us remained to hold the fort. Long hours of work and heavy workload, and it hasn’t help much that I was not more than five months into the new environment. The initial stage was pretty okay though; I was unbelievably positive. I was somehow feeling totally fine with the strenuous working pattern, day in and day out. I have held visions and spoken positive monologue with myself. They certainly helped and I feel thankful for those.

However, it has to be at this same time that my family met with one of our biggest crisis. I was hesitant to be completely open to you in here but I believe I have now seen the worst to care such. Well, my family is falling apart.

We hadn’t been exactly a happy family. We were a traditional Asian family whereby the father is strict and there is always a distance between each family member. Like so many youngsters in this era, we spent most of our time outside with so many friends but with our own family members. I have always known when I was very young that my parents do not have a loving relationship together. I remembered I was amazed when I saw middle aged married couples put their arms around each other with smiles full of love. I didn’t think that those were possible, because it certainly isn’t in my family. Well, despite all the mentioned and our differences, our seemingly nonchalant-ness, our minimal communication, I thought that we could be forever. But I was wrong.

When it happened, surprisingly, I took it pretty well. Like I have said, you have got to be the year which I have surpassed myself in every single way. I am known for being fiercely loyal to the people I love and I will expect the same treatment in return. However, when it happened, I did not blame my father. The fault lies in all of us. We have grown apart so much that perhaps my father felt that it is pointless to stay as a family together. I did not blame him for seeking comfort outside the family.

No one at work knows about my family drama aside for a couple of closed ones. I have to be the strong one in my family. Through this family crisis, I have witnessed how vulnerable my mother and my younger brother can be. For months, I have lived with worry and fear of losing them too. I was so afraid that they, especially my beloved mother, could not handle Life itself.

It was a very, very tough period of time.

Gradually, the drama at home and at work is taking its toll on me. I can feel my strength slipping away, I can feel my energy being zapped away. But I cannot go down; both sides needed me.

Now, I am so, so glad that things are started to look up. I have survived! Things have gotten so much better now, and I am feeling extremely thankful. My mother is walking out of it, my brother is more positive, I got a job promotion and my relationship with everyone around me has become even better. Guess my only regret will be my father…

Until now, I do not know how I have managed through all these. The woes of my health, family and work. A friend who got to knew commented that if I did not share with him, he would never have known, because I betray no sign at all~

Isn’t it wasted of my talent that I am not able to be an actress at Mediacorp? Wahaha!

I have learnt too many lessons this year and I have received many valuable gifts too.

I am now a strong believer that Time heals everything. As long as you never give up on yourself, everything will pass with time. All the sadness, worry, fear, anger, torture… and love. So, it is very important that we give thanks each day when we wake up to a new day alive, and give thanks each night when we close our eyes and sleep in peace. To be able to do so is a precious gift not to be taken for granted.

I have seen how destructive this crisis was for my mother. To not be able to sleep a wink for months is like moving towards a slow and conscious death. Thus please, cherish. This is because you will never know what will be in store for you tomorrow, or on the next hour, the next minute, the next second. Time will never stop for you.

Oh, and I have grown highly resilient! Well, at least in my personal context. I never expected myself not to throw in the white towel at all, haha! It has been all very amazing. *pat my own back*

The books I have read, the people I have met, the classes I have attended, the days I have lived, all of these have helped me tide through 2014. I feel like a different person as I was one year ago. I am now more self-aware, more grateful and more positive than ever!

Thank you, 2014. You have not been extremely kind to me, but you have been very practical with me. The valuable lessons which I have learnt from you have definitely shaped me into a better person who is able to work more confidentiality and surely into her future!

So, 2015, here I come!

Love

Chloe ❤

Posted in Challenge

Day 15: [X]

Alright! Finally! The 15th and last affirmation for this challenge~

Day 15: [Insert your affirmation]

Okay. I guess subconsciously I was avoiding doing this. HAHA. Nope, not exactly some lame excuse, but I have come to know myself a lot more this year: I may be a weird perfectionist.

Why do I say “weird”?

From my previous affirmation post, and of course, from my procrastination history, you would know that I am one pretty lazy human. I love visualizing sweet victories and perfect endings. But I hate the process of achieving them. I wish I could have a remote control which I could skip all the in-betweens and dive straight into the wonderful results. But alas, life does not operate in such a lazy manner, and thus the procrastination. My gosh! I feel like kicking myself now, LOL.

It took me a long time to start up this blog because I want everything to be perfect; it would take me months, or even years to write a book because I would want the book to be perfect. But life is not perfect. Yeah, I understand it, but I just cannot get around it.

Okay! I have digressed!

  1. Create your own unique affirmation.

“…what is one positive affirmation you’d like to create for yourself, to help you achieve your greatest success in life moving forward? What is one positive affirmation that’ll have the most meaning to you, that you haven’t already practiced/identified in the past 14 tasks?”

My affirmation:

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. Trust in your heart, mind and soul because you are nothing if you cannot believe in yourself.

  1. What’s so special about this affirmation?

Confucius’ words are always of great wisdom. I borrowed the first sentence from him for my personal affirmation:

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

I came across this sentence from Confucius in a train station advertisement board and it had since stuck with me. I am always tempted to stop progressing so that I can rot at one corner and shake my leg. I know the future-Me will hate the now-Me for not going after what I want with vigor, but I would still park myself at one corner and enjoy my inefficient Me-time.

No good at all.

So, this liner hit home. Nobody has set rules on how fast you have to achieve something; nobody has set regulations on the way and method you must obtain your goals. Moving slowly beats not moving at all. So as long as I keep my eyes on the goal, it does not matter how slowly I progress, as long as I never say die. This sentence has somewhat taken off the pressure and burdensome feeling I habour towards the “process” to achieving my goals. It has made moving towards the bling bling future a more enjoyable one.

“Trust in your heart, mind and soul because you are nothing if you cannot believe in yourself.”

This second part of my affirmation is of my own words and of course, it will be harsh, haha. I have to! For a lazy butt like me, honeyed words ain’t gonna help.

Numerous past experiences had taught me one lesson: always trust in yourself. Your guts, instinct, feelings, however and whatever you name it. Those I believe are my soul trying to communicate with me. And those times when I refused to heed its words, I suffer the consequence. Have you ever done something, for example, putting a glass of water on the table and suddenly a thought bubble came into your mind that maybe you should put the glass on another “safer” spot? And when you waved that thought away, you accidentally toppled the glass of water. That is your soul trying to communicate with you. I believe that every soul has a form of unexplained connection to this universe. Our conscious minds are simply not strong enough to catch the frequencies from the universe.

So, I have learnt to trust myself a little more. I will suggest you to, too.

  1. Say today’s affirmation:

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. Trust in your heart, mind and soul because you are nothing if you cannot believe in yourself.”

You can see more of the actual Day-15 affirmation post by Celestine Chua here: http://personalexcellence.co/blog/affirmation-day-15/

Dream big and believe in yourself, because the power lies within you!

Chloe ❤

Posted in Uncategorized

Day 14 [Self-Image]: “I’m perfect as myself.”

Hello Everyone! I know I know, this is loooong overdue. It has been months since I started this challenge and I have yet to complete it. Only the last two “days” left! Sorry! I have no excuse for my procrastination 😦

I am not ditching this! 2014 is ending, so I am gonna finish this like now.

Day 14 [Self-Image]: “I’m perfect as myself.”

  1. Identify at least one negative self-belief/thought. What is one negative self-belief/thought you have?

I am lazy.

  1. When did this negative self-belief/thought start?

This is a “quality” which I agree of myself. I tend to procrastinate a whole lot. This is not very healthy and beneficial. There are times when I was very hyped up over something and will tend to charge my way forward, only until the middle of the journey where I would begin to procrastinate. This 15-day Affirmation Challenge is a very good example. There were a few occasions when I could post frequently, as much as two posts in a day. But gradually, I began to slow down, and the “lazy” side got the better of me. Numerous times I know that all I have to do is to on my laptop, pull out my Microsoft Word and I would be typing non-stop like now, haha. But, I simply did not.

  1. Challenge this negative self-belief/thought.

Well, I would like to think that it is not entirely true. Perhaps in a different context that I would not be lazy. For example, I may be lazy in my personal life, but I am pretty hardworking when it comes to work. LOL. I would not rest until my work is completed.

  1. Create new positive belief(s).

I know it is a matter of whether I am willing or I am not. I will myself to be lazy and procrastinate. I believe that I am given options to choose otherwise.

  1. Say your new belief(s), along with today’s affirmation:

“I’m perfect as myself.”

My Afterthoughts:

So much time has been wasted due to my “laziness” and procrastination. I could have achieved and done so much more if I am otherwise. Another year will be gone soon, and it is high time that I push myself further so as to achieve my desired life/ lifestyle!

You can see more of the actual Day-14 affirmation post by Celestine Chua here: http://personalexcellence.co/blog/affirmation-day-14-self-image/

Time does not wait~

Chloe ❤